Longing and Loathing
by Salvatore Shan NW
Summary: A InuKag one shot. Their final argument. Will they finally admit their feelings for each other?


Longing and Loathing

Tears spilled out of Kagome's eyes. Out of all their arguments, _this_ one was the worst. Neither she nor Inuyasha were backing down, and he didn't even seem to care that she was crying. Well, at least that was what Kagome thought. In truth, Inuyasha didn't see the crystal tears that spiralled down her cheeks. He was oblivious.

Kagome was getting more and more frustrated with him. She was close to sitting him. It was _unbearable_, the way he was always so smug and so unwilling to do _one thing_ that would help another. It drove her _insane_. He wasn't getting away this time. After what he said, the way he _acted_, to Koga! It made her sick!

"I can't believe you just… just _said_ that!" Kagome cried, taking a jab at him. Her fists were clenched, and she'd never felt angrier in her life.  
Inuyasha sniffed. "Oh please…" he began, but Kagome got there first.  
"I've _had_ it with you! With all your bigheadedness and mightiness and all the stupid mind games you play! I just want a normal life, okay! I want to go back to being a high school student, away from all this shard hunting and– and fights and _your_ big mouth!"

Kagome leant forward, trying to get in his face. Her cheeks were pink in her fury; her usual soft eyes were dark. And as she jumped into Inuyasha's line of sight, the moonlight struck her face. And he saw her tears.  
The blood in his veins froze until the numbness overwhelmed his whole body.  
He'd thought it was just another one of their usual fights… that she wasn't really mad, just looking for an excuse to sit him.

He choked back a hurt gasp and raised a hand to cup her chin. "Kagome…"  
"STOP IT!"  
Kagome's hand tilted back and then went sailing at high speed towards Inuyasha's cheek. It was over in a split second, but the aftermath of shock wore on. Inuyasha's head had been flung back with a good, hard slap and all of a sudden his cheek had started to burn.

The worst thing was, Kagome didn't apologize. She didn't even look startled that she had done it. The tears were still flowing, but her expression was cold, dark. She glared at Inuyasha, fire in her eyes. He shrank back from her eyes, holding one hand to his cheek and the other trying to hold her back.

Inuyasha should've yelled at her, should've done something, but the panic was suffocating him – rising with every heartbeat until he was sure that the roar of adrenaline drowned out the sound of his pulse. He was gibbering, he knew it, but Kagome had only slapped him once – but it had been an accident. It hadn't been _intentional_…

Kagome held back the need to sob. It hurt her to breathe. She found that every breath was a desperate gasp for air.  
She… She _hit_ him. She actually did it! She couldn't believe it.  
Her hand stung but she paid no attention, all that mattered was hurting him as much as he was hurting her.

Kagome's voice was thick, yet steady, when she spoke. "I'm leaving now," she hissed, before turning away. She didn't stomp away like a hurt child. She walked with her head high, trying to hold onto her dignity. She'd already shown him her tears; she didn't want him to see her physically collapse.

Inuyasha stood still for a while. He couldn't explain the feelings inside of him. He felt torn, frightened… _used_. God, why did he feel used? He didn't know, didn't care, his only instinct was to run after Kagome.

He knew how stupid he'd been, but he couldn't help it. Seeing that wolf grab her hands, flirt with her – it was more than he could bear. The jealousy was like a poison eating its way through him, he couldn't just ignore it. He– he loved her too much to see her in someone else's arms…

"Kagome!" he cried, his voice hoarse. Funny, his voice had never been quite so squeaky before. "Kagome, _wait_!"  
"Get bent, Inuyasha!" she retorted, still walking – except now she was speeding up.  
Inuyasha didn't like the idea of a chase, it gave him the impression that if he ran after her, he'd lose her and never be able to find her again.

"Please, Kagome. I-I'm–" Some part of him stopped him, mid-sentence. The part that retained his character, the part that wouldn't let him apologize – the stubborn and arrogant part. _Sorry? You've never been sorry all your life!_

Inuyasha frowned, but kept running – kept running after Kagome. He couldn't let her go. He just couldn't…  
_Go ahead. Let her run. There's no point, she's just gonna hit you again._

But Inuyasha realised – ignoring the cold voice – that he didn't care whether she _did_ hit him again. So long as she calmed down and talked to him. So long as she listened…  
"Kagome… stop!"

Kagome was running now – Inuyasha was catching up. She was sobbing as she did so, losing control. Shaking her head from side to side.  
Inuyasha knew she wanted to be alone, but _he_ didn't want to be. He wanted to be with _her_.

Kagome couldn't see through her tears. The world was a blur that was rushing on by as she ran. She didn't care where she went, or how long it took to get there, so long as Inuyasha left her alone. It didn't help that he was on her tail, ready to yell at her again some more.

_Or_… she thought, more tears starting to flow. _He's going to make me love him all over again… He's going to be so nice to me that it's going to _hurt_…  
_That was what Kagome meant by 'mind games'. The way he would always toy with her heart, unintentionally.

Love, hate, longing and loathing.  
Kagome bit back the urge to scream and hit something.  
_He can't see me like this, he can't see me like this… _her mind kept repeating, and she didn't know what it exactly meant by it.

Kagome had never felt so tired before. But now she could see the well in the distance; she was nearly there – nearly home. Inuyasha still hadn't caught up with her. It was strange, because she knew that he could manage it – he was a half-demon, he could outrun any human – but he didn't _want_ to get to her and see the damage he'd caused. He hung back with each sprint.

Kagome didn't feel a burst of energy upon seeing her destination. She felt physically and emotionally drained. Her legs were giving out. She was being defeated by nature, simply because humans weren't as fast as _demons_…

She collapsed with fatigue, pitching forward semi-conscious. Her head pounded and her heart ached with withheld emotions. Her breaths were pants, and her body shuddered with every intake. She just couldn't make it…

Inuyasha stopped at the edge of the clearing, panting.  
Kagome was on the floor, facing him. She looked like she couldn't move.  
She was exhausted.  
Inuyasha took a few hesitant steps forward. She was still crying, still sobbing her heart out. Inuyasha couldn't decide the real reason why.

He dropped down to the floor and crawled over, silently, his eyes a soft amber bordering yellow. Then he sat next to her, watching her – his eyes pleading.  
Kagome lay there for a while, watching him watch her. Her heart felt as if it were in her throat.

Inuyasha took a deep breath and then looked up at the sky. The night was beautiful – dark, mysterious and eerily quiet – yet beautiful. Just like he knew his presence was to Kagome.  
Inuyasha averted his eyes. It hurt him to speak and he knew that he'd say something undeniably stupid if he did.

So he said the only word he could that would sum up all of his feelings. Her name. "Kagome,"  
She flinched, but she couldn't help looking up at him as he spoke. Her lips trembled.

Inuyasha bowed his head and looked down at the ground, thinking about everything and nothing all at the same time. "Kagome…"  
"Stop," she croaked, shaking her head. "I don't want to be hurt by you anymore…"  
Inuyasha reached for her hand, found it and squeezed it, gently. He frowned. "Kagome, what are you talking about?" He asked softly.

The question was left hanging in the air. Kagome didn't want to answer. She turned her head bitterly. She refused to look at him, refused to give in to him. But he was _doing_ it, somehow he was doing it, calming her down – making her love him all over again…

"Please," she gasped out, "Just leave me alone…" she sat up, trying to crawl away from him. Inuyasha wasn't having any of it. He kept staring at her with sad eyes, his mouth a tight line. He looked so lost, so helpless… just as Kagome looked so vulnerable.

Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she tried to pull away. "Go _away_," She pushed at him, attempting to force him back. She failed pitifully. Inuyasha held both of her hands now, and rubbed them with his thumbs, affectionately. He smiled a sad smile.  
"But you don't want me to go away," Inuyasha said, his voice barely above a whisper.  
Kagome shook her head in disagreement. "You're wrong. Just… just go…"

But Inuyasha stopped her. He pulled her towards him, taking a deep breath. He wanted to comfort her, ease her pain…  
"Shh. It's alright,"

Inuyasha leant forward and wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her.  
Kagome went stiff in his arms, and then tried to thrash out – her actions meek. She wasn't succeeding in escaping, because she wasn't trying to.  
She slowly went limp, and then gazed up into his eyes, unafraid.

Like an animal that's accepted its fate – that knows it's going to die and doesn't care, so long as it's over with…  
Kagome found that she had to say something; she had to break the silence. Her lips parted, but instead of speaking – she found that she was shutting her eyes and letting out large sobs. Giving in.

"Shh," Inuyasha cradled her, rocking her like a baby. He pulled her upright so his lips touched her forehead. He leant his head against hers, stroking one of her cheeks, affectionately. "Oh Kagome, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say those things…"

Kagome shook her head, but she still pressed her head into his shoulder – looking for comfort. "Don't. Please, just let me go home…"  
"I won't hurt you again, Kagome, I promise. I didn't mean to hurt you; I only want to make you happy… Please, Kagome, please don't cry,"

Kagome was about to object. She didn't know how to react. Instead, she tilted her head up to his, searching for his profile under the moonlight. Their eyes locked, and a bolt of electricity seemed to course its way through her body. Kagome shut her eyes, feeling as if she were floating on a bed of air.

Inuyasha wiped the tears from her cheeks, caressing her face with slow, circular motions. Then he wiped under her eyes and brushed a finger over each of her eyelashes. His touch ran over her cheekbones, up to her eyelids and down again, back to her lips.

He outlined them, gently, before leaning in even closer. Kagome opened her eyes and stared. Inuyasha's silver hair brushed against her face. He was so close now – they were breathing the same air.

Kagome's heart throbbed. She suddenly felt like she could move, but instead of pushing him away again she wrapped her arms around his neck. And then… _love. _The pure feeling of love overtook her. _Damn him, _she thought dryly with a mental giggle, _he's done it again…_

"I won't let you hurt," Inuyasha whispered. He kissed her forehead for effect, and then smiled. "And I won't let anyone hurt you," He kissed her left cheek, hovering over her with hungry eyes.

"But most of all," He paused delicately, and then brushed some loose strands of hair back behind her ear. His hold on her tightened, so they were clinging on to each other for dear life.

"But most of all," Inuyasha repeated softly into Kagome's hair. "I won't hurt you ever, _ever_ again…"

He bent his head down to hers. For a split second, Kagome felt as if she were about to start crying all over again. She didn't. Because instead their lips collided.  
Kagome smiled against Inuyasha's lips, and then their kiss deepened. She held onto him tighter, pulling him closer.

She knew that he was telling the truth.  
Inuyasha would never hurt her again… _ever_.


End file.
